Chapter One
Introduction to Interpersonal
Communication
Chapter Outline
I. Introduction
A.
Interpersonal communication is pervasiveness in our lives.
B. Yet, not
everyone is comfortable talking to others. In fact, some people
are quite anxious and nervous about communicating.
C. The extent
to which people exhibit anxiety about speaking to others is called
communication apprehension.
D. People can
be fearful and go to great lengths to avoid communication situations.
E. There are
many times when we have difficulty getting our message across to others
because of our unique communication circumstances.
II. Understanding Interpersonal Communication
A. Even though
we engage in interpersonal communication daily, it is a complex process
that is not always easy to define.
B. It helps to
distinguish interpersonal communication from other types of
communication.
1. Scholars have identified the
following kinds of situations in which human communication exists:
intrapersonal, interpersonal,
small group,
organizational, mass, and public.
2. These communication types build
on each other because they represent increasing numbers of people
included in the process.
a) These communication types are not mutually
exclusive.
3. The six types of communication
are outlined below:
a) Intrapersonal communication. This is
communication with ourselves. This includes imagining,
perceiving, or solving
problems in your head.
b) Interpersonal communication. This is the
process of message transaction between people (usually two) who work
toward creating and sustaining
shared meaning.
c) Small group communication. This is
communication between and among members of a team who meet for a
common purpose or goal.
d) Organizational communication. This is
communication with and among large, extended groups.
e) Mass communication. This is communication to
a large audience via some mediated channel, such as television,
radio, the Internet, or
newspapers.
f) Public communication. This is communication
in which one person gives a speech to a large audience in person.
This is often called public
speaking.
III. Models of Communication
A. To further
understand the interpersonal communication process, models of
communication are examined. Communication models
are visual, simplified representations of complex
relationships in the communication process.
B. There are
three prevailing models.
1. The first model is the
Mechanistic Thinking and the Linear Model.
a) This model was developed by Shannon and Weaver
(1949). They were interested in how information passed
through various channels.
b) They viewed information transmission as a linear
process.
c) This resulted in the creation of the linear model
of communication.
d) This approach frames communication as a one-way
process that transmits a message to a destination.
e) When a message is sent and received, communication
takes place.
f) Several components comprise the linear model of
communication.
(1) The sender
is the source of the message, which may be spoken, written or unspoken.
(2) The
receiver is the intended target of the message. The receiver
assigns meaning to the message.
(3) A channel
is the pathway to communication. Typically, channels represent
our senses.
(4) Noise is
anything that interferes with the message. Four types of noise
can interfere with the message.
(a) Physical noise (also called
external noise) involves any stimuli outside of the receiver that make
the message
difficult to
hear.
(i) Physical noise can also take the form of
something that a person is wearing. It may cause the receiver
to focus on the object rather
than the message.
(b) Physiological noise refers to
biological influences on message reception.
(c) Psychological noise (also
called internal noise) refers to a communicator’s biases, prejudices,
and feelings
toward a
person or a message.
(d) Semantic noise occurs when
senders and receivers apply different meanings to the same message.
(5) Context is the environment in
which a message is sent. Context is multidimensional and can be
physical, cultural,
psychological, or historical.
(a) Physical context is the
tangible environment in which communication occurs.
(b) Cultural context refers to the
rules, roles, norms, and patterns of communication that are unique to
particular cultures.
(c) Social-emotional context is
associated with the nature of the relationship that affects a
communication encounter.
(d) In the historical context,
messages are understood in relationship to previously sent messages.
2. The second model is Feedback and the Interactional
Model.
a) This model
emphasizes the two-way nature of communication between people.
b) Wilbur
Schramm (1954) conceptualized the
interactional model of communication.
c) The model
shows that communication goes in two
directions: from sender to receiver and from receiver to sender.
d) This
suggests that communication is ongoing rather
than linear. Individuals in a conversation can be both sender and
receiver,
but not both simultaneously.
e) The
interactional approach is characterized
primarily by feedback. Feedback is defined as responses to
people, their messages, or both.
(1) Feedback may be verbal or
nonverbal.
(2) Feedback may also be internal
or external.
(a) Internal feedback occurs when you assess your own
communication.
(b) External feedback is the feedback you receive
from other people.
(i) A person can provide external feedback that
results in important internal feedback for him or herself.
(f) Criticisms of the interactional model include the
following points.
(1) The primary
criticism has been on the views of
the senders and receivers. Specifically, one person sends
a
message to another person.
(2) This model
does not take into consideration what
happens when nonverbal messages are sent at the
same time as verbal
messages.
(3) The
interactional view acknowledges that human
communication involves both speaking and listening,
but it asserts that
speaking and listening are separate events and thus does not address
the effect of
nonverbal communication as the message is sent.
3. The
third model is Shared Meaning and the
Transactional Model.
a) The transactional model of
communication
(Barnlund, 1970; Watzlawick, Beavin, and Jackson, 1967) underscores the
fact that
giving and receiving messages is reciprocal.
(1) The word transactional
indicates that the
communication process is cooperative.
(2) Communicators (senders and
receivers) are both
responsible for the effect and effectiveness of communication.
(3) Communicators build shared
meaning.
b) A unique feature of the transactional model is its
recognition that messages build upon each other.
c) Both verbal and nonverbal behaviors are
necessarily part of the transactional process.
d) The transactional model is characterized by a
common field of experience between communicator A and communicator B.
(1) The field
of experience refers to a person’s
culture, past experiences, personal history, and heredity,
and how
these elements influence the communication process.
(2) People’s
fields of experience overlap at times,
meaning that people share things in common.
e) Interpersonal communication scholars have embraced
the transactional process in their research.
(1) Wood (1998) believes that many
misunderstandings
occur in relationships because people are either unaware
of or don’t
attend to the transactional communication process.
(2) The transactional model
refined our understanding
by noting the importance of a communicator’s background
and also by
demonstrating the simultaneous sending and receiving of messages.
IV. The Nature of Interpersonal Communication
A. The
interpersonal communication process is a
complex undertaking.
B. It is marked
by two people who simultaneously send
and receive messages, attempting to create meaning.
C. Another way
to understand interpersonal
communication is by examining its nature through the interpersonal
communication continuum.
1. The interpersonal communication
continuum,
developed by Gerald Miller and Mark Steinberg (1975), places our
interactions
with others on
a continuum from impersonal to
interpersonal.
2. These two ends of the continuum
– impersonal and
interpersonal – are the extremes.
3. Most of our conversations fall
in between or along
various points on the continuum.
4. Three issues help to determine
the extent to which
an encounter is impersonal, interpersonal, or in between.
a) Relational history pertains to the prior
relationship experiences two people share.
(1) This rich
history enables their conversations to
be interpersonal rather than impersonal.
b) Relational rules are used to set guidelines for
behaviors in conversations.
(1) Rules help
relational partners negotiate how
information is managed and stored.
(2) Most of the
time, these rules are not formally
noted but are nonetheless important.
(3) Rules
indicate what the people in the
relationship expect and allow when they talk to each other.
(4) Rules are
negotiated by relational partners.
c) Relational uniqueness pertains
to how
communicators frame their relationship and compare it to others.
(1) This allows
relational partners to assess how
their relationship is unique from others.
5. Much of our communication isn’t
purely impersonal
or interpersonal, rather, it falls somewhere between the two ends of
the continuum.
6. The relationship you have with
someone doesn’t
always indicate whether your communication is personal or not.
D. We define interpersonal
communication as the
process of message transaction between people to create and sustain
shared meaning.
1. There are three critical components embedded in
this definition.
a) Process
refers to communication being an ongoing,
unending, vibrant activity that his always changing.
(1) There is no definable
beginning or ending.
(2) Interpersonal communication is
irreversible.
(3) Not only do individuals
change, but the cultures
in which they live also change.
b) Message
exchange refers to the transaction of
verbal and nonverbal messages being sent simultaneously between two
people.
(1) Messages, both verbal and
nonverbal, are the
vehicles we use to interact with others.
(2) However, messages are not
enough to establish
interpersonal communication.
c) Meaning is central to our definition of
interpersonal communication because meaning is what people extract from
a message.
(1) Words alone have no meaning;
people attribute
meaning to words.
(2) Achieving meaning is achieving
sense-making in
your relationships.
(3) There must be some shared
meaning for
interpersonal communication to take place.
(4) Meaning is affected by culture
in more ways than
language differences.
V. The Value of Interpersonal Communication
A.
Interpersonal skills tops the list of skills
employers look for in hew hires in virtually all professions.
1. Without solid communication
skills, employees will
not be productive.
B. Most of us
desire long-term, satisfying
relationships, and effective interpersonal communication with others
can help us establish such relationships..
C. Learning
about interpersonal communication can
literally improve our lives – physically, emotionally, and
psychologically – and it can improve our
relationships
with others.
D. Studying
interpersonal communication can improve
relationships with family and friends.
E. Another
value associated with learning about
interpersonal communication pertains to the classroom.
1. Using your communication skills
in the classroom
may improve your academic performance.
F.
Interpersonal communication can also improve your
life because it can help you gain information about yourself.
1. Maslow calls this process
self-actualization.
a) When we are self-actualized, we become the best
person we can be.
b) We are tapping our full potential in terms of our
creativity, our spontaneity, and our talents.
c) When we self-actualize, we try to cultivate our
strengths and eliminate our shortcomings.
VI. Principles of Interpersonal Communication
A.
Interpersonal communication is unavoidable.
1. Researchers have stated that
you cannot not
communicate (Watzlawick, Beavin, & Jackson, 1967).
a) As hard as we try, we cannot prevent someone else
from making meaning out of our behavior – it is inevitable and
unavoidable.
B.
Interpersonal communication is irreversible.
1. There are times when we wish
that we hadn’t said
something.
2. The principle of
irreversibility means that what
we say to others cannot be reversed.
C.
Interpersonal communication involves symbol
exchange.
1. One important reason
interpersonal communication
occurs is because symbols are mutually agreed upon by the participants
in the process.
2. Yet, symbols are arbitrary
labels or
representations for feelings, concepts, objects, or events.
3. Communication requires mutual
understanding.
D.
Interpersonal communication is rule-governed.
1. Rules are important ingredients
in our
relationships. They help guide and structure our interpersonal
communication.
2. Rules essentially say that
individuals in a
relationship agree that there are appropriate ways to interact in their
relationship.
3. Rules basically tell us what we
can or can’t do.
4. Rules imply choice, and not one
or more
participants in a relationship may choose to ignore a particular rule.
E.
Interpersonal communication is learned.
1. People obviously believe that
interpersonal
communication is a learned process.
2. We often take for granted our
ability to
communicate.
3. We all need to refine and
cultivate our skills to
communicate with a wide assortment of people.
F.
Interpersonal communication has both content and
relationship information.
1. Each message that you
communicate to another
contains information on two levels.
a) Content information refers to the information
contained in the message.
(1) The words
you speak to another person and how you
say those words constitute the content of the message.
(2) Content,
then, includes both verbal and nonverbal
components.
b) Relationship information can be defined as how you
want the receiver of a message to interpret your message.
(1) This gives
us some idea how the speaker and the
listener feel about each other.
c) Content and relationship
information work
simultaneously.
d) It is difficult to think about
sending a message
that doesn’t in some way, comment on the relationship between
the
sender and receiver (Knapp & Vangelisti, 2005).
VII. Myths of Interpersonal Communication
A. Interpersonal communication solves all problems.
1. Simply being
skilled in interpersonal
communication does not mean that you are prepared to work out all of
your relational problems.
2. You many
clearly communicate about a problem but
not necessarily be able to solve it.
3.
Communication involves both talking and listening.
4. Simply
because you are talking does not mean that
you will solve all of your relationship problems.
B. Interpersonal communication is always a good thing.
1. Most often,
communication is a good thing.
2. Yet, there
are times when communication results in
less-than-satisfying relationship experiences.
3. The dark
side of interpersonal communication
generally refers to negative communication exchanged between people.
4.
Communication can be downright nasty at times and
that interpersonal communication is not always satisfying and rewarding.
C. Interpersonal communication is common sense.
1. In some
cases, a skilled interpersonal
communicator may effectively rely on his or her common sense, but we
usually also need to
make use of an extensive repertoire of skills to
make informed choices in our relationships.
2. Making the
assumption that all people intuitively
know how to communicate with everyone undermines the rich tapestry
of
groups in the United States.
a) We simply need to take culture
and gender into
consideration.
D. Interpersonal communication is synonymous with
interpersonal relationships.
1. We don’t
automatically have an interpersonal
relationship with someone merely because we are exchanging
interpersonal
communication with him or her.
2.
Interpersonal communication can lead to
interpersonal relationships, but an accumulation of interpersonal
messages does not
automatically result in an interpersonal
relationship.
3.
Relationships do not just appear.
4. A pattern of
intimate exchanges over time must
take place.
E. Interpersonal communication is always face to face.
1. Large
numbers of people are beginning to utilize
the Internet in their communication with others.
a) This requires us to expand our
discussion of
interpersonal communication beyond personal encounters.
2. To establish
a relationship, two people must
eventually meet one another.
a) Some people may disagree with
this statement.
VIII. Interpersonal Communication Ethics
A. Ethics is the cornerstone of interpersonal
communication.
B. Ethics is the perceived rightness or wrongness of
an action or behavior.
C. Researchers have identified ethics as a type of
moral decision making, determined in large part by society.
D. Ethical decisions involve value judgments, and not
everyone will agree with those values.
E. There are five ethical systems of communication.
1. The first
ethical system is categorical imperative.
a) Categorical imperative is based
on the work of
philosopher Immanuel Kant.
b) Kant’s categorical imperative
refers to
individuals following moral absolutes.
c) We should act as though we are
an example to
others.
d) The key question is when making
a moral decision
is: What would happen if everyone did this?
e) The consequences of actions are
not important;
what matters is the ethical principle behind those actions.
f) The categorical imperative
requires us to tell the
truth because Kant believed that enforcing the principle of truth
telling is
more important than worrying about the short-term
consequences of telling the truth.
2. The second
ethical system is utilitarianism
a) Utilitarianism was developed by
John Stuart Mill.
b) According to this system, what
is ethical is what
will bring the greatest good for the greatest number of people.
c) Mill believed the consequences
of moral actions
were important.
d) Maximizing satisfaction and
happiness is essential.
3. The third
ethical system is The Golden Rule.
a) The golden mean proposes that
we should aim for
harmony and balance in our lives.
b) This principle suggests that a
person’s moral
virtue stands between two vices, with the middle, or the mean, being
the
foundation for
a rational society.
c) The goal is to present a
rational and balanced
perspective.
4. The fourth
ethical system is the Ethic of Care.
a) Developing an ethic of care
means being concerned
with connection.
b) Carol Gilligan first
conceptualized an ethic of
care by looking at women’s ways of moral decision making.
c) An ethic of care was a result
of how women were
raised.
d) The ethic of care is concerned
with consequences
of decisions.
5. The fifth
ethical system is Significant Choice.
a) Significant choice is an
ethical orientation
conceptualized by Thomas Nilsen (1996).
b) Nilsen argued that
communication is ethical to the
extent that it maximizes people’s ability to exercise free
choice.
c) Information should be given to
others in a
noncoercive way so that people can make free and informed
decisions.
F. Understanding ethics and our own values.
1. Ethics
permeates interpersonal communication
a) We make ongoing ethical
decisions in all our
interpersonal encounters.
2. When we are
confronted with ethical decision, “we
should not ignore our society’s cultural, religious, literary, and
moral traditions.
Our values have emerged from and are deeply
enmeshed in these traditions. They often teach important lessons
concerning the
difficult decisions we face in life” (Pfeiffer &
Forsberg, 2005, p. 8).
3. Making sense
of the world and of our interpersonal
relationships require us to understand our won values.
4. We also need
to understand how those values
influence our ethical decisions.
5. Being aware
of and sensitive to your decisions and
their consequences will help you make the right choices in these
changing times.
G. Choices for changing times.
1. We believe
that you have an abundance of choices
available to you in your communication with others.
a) At the core of this
effectiveness is communication
competency, or the ability to communicate with knowledge, skills, and
thoughtfulness.
(1) Developing a large repertoire of skills and
applying them appropriately is a hallmark of a competent communicator.
2. We live in
changing times.
a) Adapting to the culture and
individuals around us
is paramount in the twenty-first century.
b) Varying backgrounds can affect
how a message is
sent and received.
Chapter Two
Communication, Perception, and the Self
Chapter Outline
IX. Introduction
A. We perceive
the world around us with a personal
lens.
B. We can’t
talk about perception unless we talk
about how those perceptions influence and affect our sense of self.
C. Perceiving
requires an understanding of the
self. We cannot talk about perception without also talking about
how it relates to the self.
X. Understanding the Perception Process
A. Perception
is a process of using our senses to
respond to stimuli.
B. There are
four stages of the interpersonal
perception process.
1. The first stage is attending
and selecting.
a) This requires us to use our visual, auditory,
tactile, and olfactory senses to respond to stimuli in our
interpersonal environment.
b) We are considered mindful when we are observant
and aware of our surroundings
c) Selective perception involves attending to things
that fulfill our own needs or interests. As a result, we pay
attention to some things,
and ignore others.
d) Selective perception occurs regularly in our
relationships with others.
2. The second stage is organizing.
a) This requires us to place what are often a number
of confusing pieces of information into an understandable, accessible,
and orderly fashion.
b) We frequently categorize when we organize.
c) Relational schemas are often created during this
phase. This entails developing a mental framework or memory
structure to help understand
experiences and guide future behaviors.
d) We need to establish a way to understand something
or someone. Schemas help us accomplish this task.
e) When organizing we also tend to look for
consistencies rather than inconsistencies.
f) Organizing expedites the perception process.
g) However, one of the problems that can occur when
organizing perceptions is stereotyping.
h) Stereotyping occurs when broad generalizations are
used to describe groups of people. The result tends to be the
creation
of a fixed mental image of groups.
i) Stereotypes can be positive or negative.
3. The third stage is interpreting.
a) During this
stage, people assign meaning to what
they perceive.
b) Interpreting
is required in every interpersonal
encounter. We need to achieve meaning for interpersonal
communication to occur.
c)
Interpretation is influenced by relational
history, personal expectations, and knowledge of the self and other.
4. The fourth stage is retrieving.
a) During this
stage, individuals are asked to recall
information stored in their memories.
b) The
retrieval process also involves selection of
memories.
c) Selective
retention is a behavior that recalls
information that agrees with our perceptions and selectively forgets
information that does not.
d) When we
exercise selective retention in the
perception process, our communication with others is affected.
XI. Factors that Shape Perceptions
A. The
first factor is culture.
1. Culture provides the meaning we
give to our
perceptions.
2. Culture dictates how something
should be organized
and interpreted.
3. Cultural heritage affects how
people perceive the
world. In turn, the same cultural heritage affects how people
communicate with and receive
communication from
others.
B. The
second factor is sex and gender.
1. Sex refers to the biological
makeup of an
individual (male or female).
2. Gender refers to the learned
behaviors a culture
associates with being a male or female.
3. If we possess both masculine
and feminine traits
in equally large amounts, we are called androgynous.
4. Possessing relatively low
amounts of masculinity
and femininity is termed undifferentiated.
5. Research examining sex
differences show that men
and women differ in their perceptions and perceptual ability.
6. Many of these differences are a
result of the way
men and women have been raised.
7. Gender role socialization is
the process by which
women and men learn the gender roles appropriate to their sex.
8. Sandra Bem (1993) notes that
when we understand
and organize our world around masculinity and femininity we are using a
gender schema.
9. Through a schema we process and
categorize
beliefs, ideas, and events as either masculine or feminine. If
new information does not fit, we
simply discard
it.
10. Tannen (1990) believes that
men and women may
look at things differently depending on what gender schema they bring
to a circumstance.
C. The third
factor is physical factors.
1. The physical factors affecting
perception are wide
in scope and include age, health, and ability, among others.
D. The fourth
factor is technology.
1. Now more than ever, technology
affects our
perceptions.
2. The Internet, in particular,
which has little
oversight and no accountability, requires us to be critical in our
perceptions.
3. Technology also makes possible
the cultivation of
online relationships.
4. However, the perception process
is influenced
differently in online relationships than in face-to-face relationships.
5. False information may be
provided.
6. We are unable to read the
facial expressions,
listen to the vocal characteristics, look at the clothing, watch the
body movement, and
observe the
eye contact of the other person.
7. We receive only what the other
person wants us to
receive.
8. We also communicate only what
we wish to
communicate with the other person as well.
9. Other technological devices
also impact the
interpersonal perception process.
E. The fifth
factor is self-concept.
1. The perceptions that we hold of
ourselves are
influential in the perception process.
2. Self-concept is the relatively
stable set of
perceptions a person holds of himself or herself.
3. Our self-concept tends to be
rather consistent
from one situation to another.
4. However, the self-concept is
also flexible.
5. Self-concept affects our
perceptions.
Statements from people we trust and respect tend to carry more weight
than statements made by
those we don’t
trust or respect.
XII. Understanding Yourself
A. The self-concept plays an important role in the
ability for us to understand ourselves.
B. Self concepts are not permanent – they can change.
C. Self-concepts emerge from our various
interpersonal encounters with others.
D. Mead (1934) developed the theory of symbolic
interactionism. This theory suggests that our understandings of
ourselves and the world
around us are shaped by our
interactions with
those around us.
E. Self-concept may be influenced by two factors.
1. Self
awareness is our understanding of who we
are. This develops throughout our lives, starting when we are
quite young. Parents,
guardians, or family members play an
important role (especially early in life).
2. Self-esteem
is an evaluation of who we perceive
ourselves to be. Our self-esteem is our self-worth or how we feel
about our talents, abilities,
knowledge, expertise, and appearances.
a) Our self-esteem comprises the
images we hold, such
as our social roles, the words we use to describe these social roles,
and
how others see
us in these roles.
b) We develop our self-esteem as a
result of
overcoming setbacks, achieving our goals, and helping others in their
pursuits.
c) Our feelings of self-worth may
not be jeopardized
if we think that we have beaten obstacles along the way.
d) Other people do not always
enhance our feelings of
self-worth.
e) At times, others may
unwittingly contribute to our
negative self-perceptions.
f) Self-esteem may
fluctuate. This variation is
often due to our interactions with others.
F. The self is
also formed in part, by the
predictions you make about yourself.
1. A self-fulfilling prophecy
occurs when something
happens because you expected it to happen.
a) These prophecies may be self-imposed when your own
expectations influence your behavior.
b) These prophecies may also be other-imposed when
the expectations of another person influence your behavior.
2. Self-fulfilling prophecies
usually follow a
four-stage pattern.
a) During stage one, we form expectations of
ourselves, others, or particular events.
b) During stage two, we communicate those
expectations to others.
c) During stage three, others respond to our
behaviors.
d) During stage four, our expectations become
reality, and our expectations confirm our original thinking about
ourselves.
e) Each stage returns to the first stage, because the
original perception prompted the prophecy itself.
XIII. Managing Your Identity
A. We decide on a particular communication behavior
to influence how others perceive us.
B. Another important reason to communicate our
identities is to become an active citizen, voicing our identities.
C. Identity management does not happen without some
risk and consequence.
1. Because
identity management requires some risk, we
may find ourselves in a situation
that compromises our sense of self.
D. Identity management often incorporates the
concepts associated with the research on facework.
1. The image of
the self that we present to others in
our interpersonal encounters is called face.
2. Generally,
face is somewhat automatic.
3. We take for
granted that there is some give and
take in maintaining face.
4. Both
communicators in an interaction are
responsible for facework.
5. Positive
face pertains to our desire to be liked
by significant others in our lives.
a) We have positive face when
others make efforts to
confirm our beliefs, respect our abilities, and value what we value.
6. Negative
face refers to our desire for others to
refrain from imposing their will on us.
a) Negative face is maintained
when people respect
our individuality and our uniqueness and others avoid interfering with
our actions
or beliefs.
7. When we
receive messages that do not support
either our positive or negative face, our identities become threatened.
a) When our positive face is
threatened, we have to
figure out how to deal with the threat to our identity.
b) This process happens frequently
and we have to
learn how to handle face threats.
c) In the United States, we are
normally not
conditioned to help others “save” their face, although this is not the
case for all
cultures
(e.g., Asian cultures).
E. There are
four different strategies to assist in
identity management.
1. The first strategy is pay
attention to timing.
a) Sometimes it is okay to stay silent in a
conversation rather than asserting a particular identity with another.
b) Being insensitive to the timing of identity
management may complicate an already uncomfortable situation.
2. The second strategy is
concentrate on the message.
a) Forget worrying about the future; commit to the
conversation now.
b) Show that you are involved in what is going on and
focus on what’s taking place.
3. The third strategy is stay
culturally aware.
a) We need to pay attention to cultural differences
in communication, particularly when we manage our identities.
b) Because cultural identity has a profound effect on
our interpersonal communication, maintaining cultural awareness is
paramount
in identity management.
4. The fourth strategy is practice
self-monitoring.
a) People vary in their abilities to pay attention to
their own actions and the actions of others.
b) Self-monitoring refers to the extent to which
people actively think about and control their public behaviors and
actions.
c) People who are aware of their behaviors and the
effects of their behaviors in a conversation are viewed as more
competent communicators.
XIV. Perception, the Self, and Interpersonal
Communication
A. The following conclusions regarding perception,
the self, and interpersonal communication illustrate how the three are
closely related.
1. Implicit
personality theory suggests that we fill
in the blanks when identifying characteristics of people.
a) We use a few characteristics to
draw inferences
about others.
b) We believe that certain traits
go together and
communicate with people on this basis.
c) The halo effect refers to when
you match like
qualities with each other.
(1) A positive halo occurs when you place positive
qualities together.
(2) A negative halo exits when you place negative
qualities together.
d) Implicit personality theory
permits us to
effectively manage a lot of information about another person, but be
careful not to overuse it.
e) But don’t perceive
characteristics in a person
that don’t exist. Responding to people according to such
predispositions can
lead to
problems in interpersonal communication.
2. Perceptual
errors can lead to problems in our
communication with others.
a) Attribution theory (Heider,
1958) examines how we
create explanations or attach meaning to someone’s behavior.
(1) We try to uncover reasons for
people’s actions,
yet we may have no real understanding of the person nor the
circumstances
surrounding
the actions.
(2) The attribution process can be
problematic
because our attributions are often influenced by our feelings for
another person.
3. The self
undergoes a continual process of
modification that also impacts interpersonal communication.
a) Our sense of who we are changes
as our
relationships change.
(1) Our identity is a process, not a constant.
(2) This suggests that we and our relationships are
changing.
b) Interpersonal communication
should reflect the
changes in ourselves and our relationships.
c) The self responds to
stimuli. We respond to
people, surroundings, and technology.
(1) The self is vulnerable to a variety of stimuli.
XV. Choices for Checking Perceptions and Improving
Self-Concept
A. There are many ways to improve perception checking.
1. When we
check our perceptions, we attempt to rid
ourselves of predisposed biases and images of people that we
hold.
2. Checking our
perceptions also helps build meaning
in our relationships.
B. There are five skills associated with perception
checking.
1. The first
skill is understand your personal
worldview.
a) Each of us enters a
communication situation with a
unique worldview.
b) A worldview is a personal frame
for viewing life
and life’s events.
c) We all enter interpersonal
encounters with various
worldviews, and we need to recognize the influence that these various
views
have upon our
communication.
2. The second
skill is realize the incompleteness of
perception.
a) There is no possible way for us
to perceive our
environment completely.
b) By its nature, perception is an
incomplete process.
c) Don’t’ forget that people,
objects, and situations
change, thereby making it important to update your perceptions
periodically.
3. The third
skill is seek explanation and
clarification.
a) We need to double-check with
others to make sure
that we are accurately perceiving a person, situation, or event.
b) Trying to understand whether or
not our
perceptions are accurate communicates to others that you are eager to
gain an accurate
understanding,
which will help you achieve meaning in
the interpersonal exchange.
4. The fourth
skill is distinguish facts from
inferences.
a) Facts are statements based on
observations.
b) Inferences are personal
interpretations of facts.
c) Take care to avoid filling in
the blanks or
extending a perception beyond the facts.
d) It may not be a question of if
you are using an
inference, but of whether or not you are aware of its use.
5. The fifth
skill is be patient and tolerant.
a) Because we live in an “instant
society,” we expect
things to happen quickly.
b) Without patience and tolerance,
you won’t be able
to check the accuracy of your perceptions.
c) However, it often takes time
and practice to learn
these skills.
C. There are five skills associated with improving
your self-concept.
1. The first
skill is have the desire and will to
change.
a) Our self-concept changes as we
grow.
Therefore, we should be willing to change our self-concepts throughout
our lifetimes.
b) Having the desire or will to
change your
self-concept is not always easy.
c) We need to realize that a
changing self-concept
can help us to grow just as much as it can help our relationships grow.
2. The second
skill is decide what you’d like to
change.
a) Describe what it is
specifically about yourself
that needs to change.
b) Describe why you feel a change
may be needed.
3. The third
skill is set reasonable personal goals.
a) Always strive to have
reasonable goals.
b) Don’t set goals that you can
not meet.
Otherwise you may feel a sense of failure.
4. The fourth
skill is review and revise.
a) At times, you may make changes
to your
self-concept that are not entirely beneficial.
b) Think about the implication of
these changes and
consider revising them if necessary.
c) Occasions in which you revise
past changes may
force you to think about whether changes to your self-concept were
justified
in the first
place or whether they are appropriate for you
now.
5. The fifth
skill is surround yourself with
“relational uppers.”
a) Relational uppers are those
people who support and
trust you as you improve your self-concept.
b) Take care to surround yourself
with relational
uppers because these individuals will be instrumental for you to
achieve your potential.
(1) Individuals that tell you nothing but that you
need to change can hinder your ability to achieve your goals.
Chapter Three
Communication, Culture, and Identity
Chapter Outline
XVI. Introduction
A. Most people communicate with the belief that
others will understand them.
B. Most English speakers use their own nonverbal
codes without thinking about how nonverbal communication differs across
cultures.
C. Many people in the United States value emotional
expressiveness, yet research shows that some cultural groups do not
freely express their feelings.
D. Intercultural communication refers to
communication between and among individuals and groups whose cultural
backgrounds differ.
E. Individuals don’t have to be from different
countries.
1. Some
researchers distinguish between communication
across national cultures as intercultural communication.
2.
Communication between groups within one national
culture may be referred to as cross-cultural communication.
XVII. Diversity in the United States: A Nation of
Newcomers
A. Intercultural contact is pervasive in the United
States. This diversity affects family structure, corporations,
religious institutions, schools, and
the media.
B. The increase in diversity is not without
consequences. At times, diversity can be very challenging.
C. Relating to individuals rather than to the culture
is an effective first step toward bridging intercultural relationships.
D. With the exception of Native peoples, who were the
first cultural group in the United States, we live in a nation of
immigrants.
1. The United
States traditionally supports cultural
newcomers.
2. However, a
backlash of sorts seems to be
increasing.
E. Almost 50 years ago, anthropologist Edward Hall
1959) noted that “culture is communication and communication is
culture” (p. 159). In
other words, we learn how, where,
why,
when, and to whom we communicate through cultural teachings.
Conversely, when we communicate,
we are producing and reinforcing
our
cultural practices.
F. Learning how to communicate effectively with
members of different cultures is a hallmark of a thoughtful and
effective communicator.
XVIII. Defining Culture
A. Culture is defined as the
shared, personal, and
learned life experiences of a group of individuals who have a common
set of values,
norms, and
traditions.
B. The values of a culture are its
standards and what
it emphasizes most.
C. Norms are patterns of
communication.
D. Traditions are the customs of a
culture.
E. There are three assumptions
embedded in the
definition of culture provided above.
1. Culture is learned.
a) We aren’t
born with knowledge of the practices and
behaviors of our culture.
b) People learn
the values, norms, and traditions of
their culture through the communication of symbols for meaning.
c) We learn
about culture both consciously (direct
teaching) and unconsciously (observation).
2. Culture creates community.
a) Community is
viewed as the common understandings
among people who are committed to coexisting together.
b) Cultures
create their own sets of values, norms,
rules, and customs, which help them to communicate.
c) Co-cultures
refers to communities filled with a
number of cultures within cultures.
d) Each
community has individual and unique
communication behaviors and practices, but each community also
subscribes
to behaviors and practices embraced b the larger
United
States culture.
e) A culture
class is a conflict over cultural
expectations.
3. Culture is
multileveled.
a) On the national level of
culture, we assume that
people of the same national background share many things in common that
bind them in a
common culture: language, values, norms, and traditions.
b) Cultures can be formed on other
levels, such as
generation, sexual identity, gender, race, and religion, among others.
XIX. Dimensions of Culture
A. Uncertainty Avoidance
1. Uncertainty
avoidance refers to how tolerant (or
intolerant) you are of uncertainty.
2. Those
cultures that resist change and have high
levels of anxiety associated with change are said to have a high degree
of
uncertainty avoidance.
a) High levels of uncertainty
avoidance demonstrate a
desire for predictability and limited risk-taking in decision making.
3. Those
cultures that are unthreatened by change
have a low degree of uncertainty avoidance.
a) Low levels of uncertainty
avoidance are
comfortable taking risks and are less aggressive and less emotional
than cultures with
a high degree
of uncertainty avoidance.
4.
Intercultural communication problems can surface
when a person raised in a culture that tolerates ambiguity encounters
another who has little
tolerance.
B. Distribution of Power
1. How a
culture deals with power is called power
distance.
2. Citizens of
nations that are high in power
distance tend to show respect to people with higher status, revere
authoritarianism, and the
difference between the powerful and the
powerless is clear.
3. Cultures
that are low in power distance believe
that power should be equally distributed regardless of a person’s age,
sex, or status.
a) Low degrees of power distance
are also associated
with minimizing differences among the classes and accepting challenges
to power
in
interpersonal relationships.
4.
Intercultural encounters between people from high
and low power distance cultures can be challenging.
C. Masculinity-Femininity
1. Hofstede (2001) identifies the dimension of
masculinity-femininity as the extent to which cultures represent
masculine and feminine
traits in their society.
a) Masculine
cultures focus on achievement,
competitiveness, strength, and material success – that is,
characteristics
stereotypically associated with masculine people.
b) Feminine
cultures emphasize sexual equality,
nurturance, quality of life, supportiveness, and affection – that is,
characteristics
stereotypically associated with feminine people.
D. Individualism-Collectivism
1. When a culture values individualism, it prefers
competition over cooperation, the individual over the group, and the
private over the public.
a)
Individualistic cultures ad an “I” communication
orientation, emphasizing self-concept and personal
achievement, The also
tend to reject authoritarianism, they
don’t like to be touched, and they value their personal space.
2. Collectivism suggests that the self is
secondary to the group and its norms, values, and beliefs.
a) Group
orientation takes priority over
self-orientation. In addition, they take care of extended family
members and value duty,
tradition, and hierarchy.
b) A “we”
communication orientation prevails in
collectivistic societies.
c) Families are
particularly important to
collectivistic nations.
E. Context
1. Intercultural communication theorists find that
people of different cultures use context to varying degrees to
determine the meaning
of a message.
2. Researchers have divided context into two areas.
a) In
high-context cultures, the meaning of a message
is primarily drawn from the surroundings.
(1) There is a high degree of similarity among
members of such cultures.
(2) People share the same structure of meaning.
b) In
low-context cultures, communicators find
meaning is in the messages, not the context.
(1) Low context cultures lack
well-developed networks
of meaning.
(2) Nonverbal communication is not
easily
comprehended, and information must be explicitly related, usually in
words.
(a) As a result, low-context communicators talk more
than high-context communicators.
(b) Members of low-context cultures tend to have
elaborate verbal messages; very little of the conversation is left to
interpretation.
XX. Why Study Intercultural Communication?
A. Technological Imperative
1.
Technological changes increase opportunities for
intercultural communication.
B. Demographic Imperative
1. Many
co-cultures within the country reject the
notion that blending into the national culture is ideal.
a) The initial metaphor used was a
“melting pot.”
b) In the past, immigrants
frequently changed their
names, clothes, language, and customs to “blend in.”
2. Recent
metaphors for diversity in the United
States include a symphony, stew, or salad.
a) Different cultures retain their
unique characters
even while becoming parts of the U.S. culture.
b) These metaphors also provide a
chance for the
larger culture to accommodate and to appreciate the diversity of
co-cultures.
C. Economic Imperative
1. Extremely
few places on earth are completely out
of touch with the rest of the world.
2. The global
village means that all societies –
regardless of their size – are connected in some way.
a) No country is economically
isolated any longer.
3. Because of
the availability of cheap labor, U.S.
firms continue to send work and workers overseas, a practice called
outsourcing.
4. Workers from
other countries who come to the
United States often receive no training in intercultural similarities
and differences.
a) These results can be
problematic.
D. Peace Imperative
1. We’re not
suggesting that if cultures understood
each other, cultural warfare would end; rather, we believe that
learning about
other cultures aids in understanding conflicting
points
of view, perhaps resulting in a more peaceful world.
2. Looking at
an issue from another’s perspective is
critical to interpersonal relationships.
E. Self-Awareness Imperative
1. Each of us
has a worldview, which is a unique way
of seeing the world through our own lens of understanding.
a) Worldviews originate in our
culture.
b) Although these perspectives
area often
unconscious, they are directly derived from our cultural identity.
F. Ethical Imperative
1. Ethics
pertains to what is perceived as right and
wrong.
2. Ethics can
vary tremendously. That is,
different fields of cultural experience dictate different opinions of
what constitutes ethical behavior.
3. Each of us
has an ethical obligation to ensure
that cultural behaviors are depicted in the context of cultural values.
4. We also have
an ethical obligation to ensure that
we fully understand cultural practices before deciding whether to
impose our own
cultural will upon others.
XXI. Challenges to Intercultural Communication
A. Ethnocentrism
1.
Ethnocentrism is the process of judging another
culture using the standards of your own culture.
a) Ethno means nation and kentron
means center.
(1) When combined, the meaning becomes clear: nation
at the center.
2.
Ethnocentrism is a belief in the superiority of
your own culture.
3. We tend to
notice when people from other cultures
prioritize their cultural customs.
B. Stereotyping
1. Stereotypes
are statements that generalize the
qualities of some members of a group to the group as a whole.
2. Stereotypes
can be good or bad.
3. We must be
willing to look beyond the
generalizations about a particular group and communicate with people as
individuals.
C. Anxiety and Uncertainty
1. At times, we
are simply nervous and anxious around
people who are differet from us.
2. At other
times, we may not know how to act around
others who are different from us, leaving us filled with uncertainty.
3. Our society
has few guidelines to help us through
some of the early awkward moments.
4. Family and
friends’ observations and reactions to
cultural differences are often passed on to us. This can prompt
us to either feel
like we are members of an in-group or an out-group.
a) In-groups are groups to which a
person feels he or
she belongs.
b) Out-groups are those groups to
which a person
feels he or she does not belong.
c) Perceptions of belonging are
directly proportional
to the level of connection an individual feels toward a group.
D. Misinterpretation of Nonverbal and Verbal Behaviors
1. Speakers
expect to receive nonverbal cues that are
familiar. However, nonverbal behaviors differ dramatically across
and within cultures.
2. Verbal
communication differences exist between and
among cultures and co-cultures.
a) Verbal communication styles can
differ.
b) Words used from one generation
to the next vary in
meaning.
E. The Assumption of Similarity or Difference
1. We often
have competing desires in our
interpersonal relationships that result in contradictory
tensions. These contradictions are called
dialectics.
2. Dialectic
thinking, with its focus on
contradiction, helps us understand the final challenge to intercultural
communication.
a) On the one end of the dialectic
is the feeling
that “people are people.”
(1) This suggests that intercultural communication is
possible because it simply requires homing in on people’s inherent
similarities.
b) On the other end of the
dialectic is the belief
that people from different cultures are vastly different from one
another, and therefore,
communication
between them is
difficult, if not
impossible.
(1) Assuming similarity fails to appreciate
difference, and assuming difference fails to appreciate cultural
commonalities.
XXII. Choices for Intercultural Understanding
A. Know Your Biases and Stereotypes
1. Despite our
best efforts, we enter conversations
with biases and stereotypes.
2. Listening
carefully to others’ responses to our
ideas, words, and phrases is an excellent first step.
3. We need to
avoid imposing our predispositions and
prejudices on others.
4. Facing your
biases and even your fears or
anxieties is an essential first step toward intercultural effectiveness.
a) We first need to admit that we
are biased and
ethnocentric to some extent.
b) Next, we need to honestly
assess how we react to
other cultures.
(1) Looking inward is also helpful.
c) We all need to understand our
outdated and
misguided views of others that have falsely shaped our impressions of
other cultures.
B. Tolerate the Unknown
1. Some
cultures easily tolerate uncertainty.
2. Tolerating
things of which you are unaware is not
always that easy.
3. We may wish
to think we are tolerant, but the
truth is that differences can bother us at times.
4. If you
encounter a cultural unknown, think about
asking questions about a particular custom, practice, or behavior.
C. Practice Cultural Respect
1. Various
traditions, customs, and practices allow
cultures and co-cultures to function effectively.
a) Skilled intercultural
communicators respect those
cultural conventions.
2. Practicing
cultural respect requires us to show
that we accept another culture’s way of thinking and relating, even
though we may
disagree with or disapprove of it.
3. Cultural
empathy refers to the learned ability to
accurately understand the experience of people from diverse cultures
and to convey that
understanding
responsively.
a) When you are empathic, you are
able to develop an
emotional and psychological bond with another person or social
group.
(1) You try to reach beyond the words to the feelings
that the communicator is trying to show.
(2) You become other-oriented.
4. Cultural
relativity means that an observer can
never condemn any practice in which any culture engages.
a) Cultural relativity doesn’t
ever allow us to judge
another culture.
b) Culture respect requires us to
be aware that our
own ways are not the only ways, but it allows us to judge other
cultures when warranted.
D. Educate Yourself
1. Simply
reading about other cultures will give you
a backdrop for future reference and will allow you to discover more
about your own culture.
2. Educating
yourself requires that you learn about
cultures through others.
3. Visit
Internet sites dedicated to co-cultural
issues.
4. Don’t accept
everything written about culture and
communication as truth.
a) Be rigorous in your reading and
tentative in your
acceptance.
b) Be willing to seek out all
available information
that is based on both research and personal experience.
E. Be Prepared for Consequences
1. Having a
conversation with an individual from a
different culture can be challenging.
a) So many issues operate
simultaneously in a
conversation.
b) We may try to attend to all
these aspects of our
conversation, but things still may go awry.
F. Relate to the Individual, Not the Culture
1. Identifying
with the person and not the cultural
group is paramount in interpersonal communication.
2. Accepting
individual cultural uniqueness is
important.
a) There are variations within
cultures and
co-cultures.
b) People’s communication
behaviors and skills can
vary tremendously within cultures.
G. Reevaluate and Eliminate Your Prejudices
1. Knowing your
biases is a good way to begin to
improve your intercultural communication effectiveness.
a) While you are reevaluating your
prejudices, rid
yourself of some that you may have had for years.
b) Getting rid of the unwanted or
misguided
prejudices is essential if we are to begin to forge intercultural
relationships with others.
2. We cannot understate the
importance of actively eliminating
harmful biases. Working toward
eliminating those prejudices should be a priority.
Chapter Seven
Communication and Emotion
Chapter Outline
XXIII. Introduction
A. Our experiences of emotion and
our communication
about those experiences shape our daily lives and our relationships.
B. Emotion is often what we
remember about
interpersonal encounters, and it forms the foundation for how we
represent and judge our relationships.
C. Few of us would want to live
without the richness
provided through emotional experience. Emotions make us feel
alive and aware and help define
many people’s
lives and
relationships.
XXIV. Defining Emotion: More Than Just a Feeling
A. Emotion is defined as the
critical internal
structure that orients us to and engages us with what matters in our
lives: our feelings about ourselves and
others.
1. Thus, the term emotion encompasses both the
internal feelings of one person as well as feelings that can be
experienced only in a relationship.
B. To capture the complexity of
emotion, some
researchers have created category systems to classify common emotions.
1. These systems focus on attributes of emotion, such
as how intense it is, whether it reflects a positive or negative
feeling (the valence dimension)
or whether it
implies action or
passivity on the part of the person experiencing it.
C. Three Category Systems of
Emotion
1. One category system developed by Russell (1978,
1980, 1983)categorizes emotion along two dimensions:
a)
Positive-negative
b)
Active-passive
c) This system
allows us to see how specific emotions
cluster together depending on whether they are active-negative,
active-positive,
passive-negative, or
passive-positive.
2. Another way to classify individual emotions is
based on its intensity (Plutchik, 1984). An emotional cone
provides a graduated image of
emotional
range.
a) The lowest
level of each vertical slice represents
the mildest version of the emotion, and each successive level
represents a more
intense state.
3. The third system, the prototype approach, builds
on the importance of language in organizing our thoughts about emotions.
a) This system
clusters specific emotions in a
hierarchy so that families of emotions are arranged based on their
level of generality.
(1) The first level of the most
general.
(2) The second level represents
the cores emotion of
the category.
(3) The third level lists all the
other individual
emotions related to that prototype and shows similarities and
differences
between
emotion families.
D. Mixed Emotions
1. Category systems treat emotion as a series of
individual, separate states. However, people usually experience
blends of several emotions.
E. Emotion, Cognition and the Body
1. One of the reasons that defining emotion is a
difficult task is that Western thought has been historically grounded
in dualisms.
a) Dualism
refers to a way of thinking that
constructs polar opposite categories to encompass the totality of a
thing.
b) Dualism prompts us
to think about things in an
“either/or” fashion.
c) When we are
thinking dualistically, we consider a
person to be split into two parts – mind and body – that operate
completely independently.
2. The historic division between mind and body is
further split when the mind is seen in another dualism, as either
reason or emotion
a) It is
important to note that the assignment of
reason to the brain and emotion to the heart has not been consistent
over time.
b) Dualism is
often seen today in Western thinking.
c) Thinking
about emotion as separate from reason and
the body is also reflected in medical school curricula.
3. On some level we also understand that emotion, the
body, and reason are inextricably linked.
a) Our language
can help us see connections among
emotion, mind, and body.
4. Further, experiencing emotion seems to affect
people’s physical functioning in ways that are not simply physical
manifestations of the emotion.
5. Interestingly, Planalp (1998) argues that the
reverse is also true: reason is dependent on emotion.
a) Hunches and
gut reactions show emotion in service
of reason.
b) Emotion
helps us to decide between competing
alternatives when all else is equal.
6. Therefore, when we define emotion, we must take
cognition or reason and physical aspects into consideration.
F. Emotion about Emotion
1. Meta-emotion means emotion about emotions.
2. There has not been much attention given to how
people feel about expressing certain emotions.
3. Differences in the effects of emotion may vary in
part because of meta-emotion.
XXV. Models of Emotion: Biology and Social Interaction
A. The Biological Model of Emotion
1. Proponents of the biological model agree with
Charles Darwin and others, that emotion is mainly biological, related
to instinct and energy.
2. If emotions are similar across many types of
people, they propose that people from a variety of cultures should
experience feelings in
the same manner.
3. This model assumes that emotion exists separately
from thought and that we need thought only to bring a preexisting
emotion to our
conscious awareness.
4. Darwin placed importance on observable emotional
expressions, not the meaning associated with them.
a) Darwin
argued that these “gestures” of emotion
were remnants of prehistoric behaviors that served important functions.
b) Darwin
argued that people enact these gestures as
a result of experiencing emotion.
c) However, he
also asserted that the opposite is
true – that is, when people enact a certain gesture they experience the
related emotion.
(1) These emotive gestures (with
few exceptions) are
universal, meaning that they cross all cultures.
B. The Social Model of Emotion
1. The social model acknowledges that biology affects
emotion and emotional communication.
2. However, proponents of this model are also
interested in how people interact with their social situation before,
during, and after the
experience of emotion.
3. Like Darwin, Gerth and Mills were interested in
gesture. However, their interest was founded in how the reactions
of others to
our gestures help us define what
we are feeling.
XXVI. Emotion and Communication
A. The use of the phrase
communication of emotion or
emotional communication rather than expression of emotion or emotional
expression was
intention
because there was a desire to highlight
the
importance of the communication process.
B. Talk about Emotion
1. People often employ figurative language,
especially metaphors, to talk about emotion.
2. Our figurative language also implies that emotion
has a presence independent of the person experiencing it.
a) Emotions are
frequently framed as opponents or
wild animals.
3. Although these phrases are evocative of the
feelings that various emotions engender, they leave the impression that
people are not responsible for
their emotions
– that is, that people
are acted upon by emotional forces beyond their control.
a) Such
language depicts emotion as something that
makes us lose our minds completely as we are overwhelmed by forces
beyond our
rational
control.
C. Emotional Communication
1. Emotional
experience means the feeling of emotions.
2. Emotional
communication means actually talking
about the experience.
3.
Communicating emotionally means that the emotion
itself is not the content of the message but rather a property of it.
4. Another
issue related to emotional communication
involves the effect of emotional states on communication behavior.
a) Communicative performance can
be marred by
emotions such as anxiety, fear, embarrassment, anger, and depression.
D. How Emotion is Communicated
1. The first
emotional cue is facial expressions.
a) Facial expressions are the most
researched cues to
emotion.
b) Facial expressions are also
some of the most
important means for communicating emotion.
c) The most researched facial
expression is the smile.
(1) Smiles usually indicate warmth and friendliness,
but smiles can be false and sneering as well.
2. The second
emotional cue is vocal cues.
a) The voice is probably equally
important in
conveying emotion.
b) How loudly people talk, how
high-pitched their
tone, how fast they talk, how many pauses they take, and so forth give
clues to emotion.
3. The third
emotional cue is gestures.
a) Emotions are often embodied in
gestures.
b) However, there isn’t a great
deal of research on
gestures and body movement.
(1) Some research has indicated that depressed people
gesture less than those who are not depressed.
4. The fourth
emotional cue is verbal cues.
a) People rarely state a specific
emotion
directly.
b) Instead, they use indirect cues
as they
communicate emotionally.
c) We often infer people’s
emotional states when they
use sarcasm or rhetorical questions.
5. The fifth
emotional cue involves a combination of
cues.
a) People usually communicate
emotion through a
mixture of cues.
(1) People often use verbal and vocal cues while
gesturing and smiling.
b) In contrast to these matching
cues, sometimes cues
are conflicting or incongruent.
c) Especially in case of
conflicting cues, people
rely on other information to try to discern the meaning.
XXVII. Influences on Emotional Communication
A. Culture
1. Although some emotional states and expressions are
thought to be universal, the current focus of research is on
differences in emotional
communication
across cultures.
a) Thinking
about Emotion
(1) Cultures differ in how much
they think and talk
about emotion.
b) How Emotion
is Communicated Across Cultures
(1) People of different cultures
express emotion
differently.
B. Gender
1. Gender differences in emotional communication are
widely researched.
2. The U.S. culture, which divides many activities
according to sex, is interested in the ways in which men and women are
presumed to differ.
a) Emotion and
Gender Stereotypes
(1) The stereotypical view holds
that women are more
emotional, more emotionally expressive, and more attuned to the
emotions of
others than are men.
(a) Situations where men are more emotional than
women often go unnoticed because they do not support the stereotype
we
have of emotional women and stoic men.
(2) Emotional expression (or lack
of it) may define
the essence of femininity and masculinity.
(a) People even use gender stereotypes to make
judgments about their own emotions.
(b) Emotional Expression and Gender
(1) Researchers are interested in
the differences
between men and women in nonverbal expressions of emotion, such as
smiling.
(a) Three differences are well documented and may be
caused by men and women conforming to stereotyped gender roles.
(i) Women smile
more than men in social situations.
(ii) Women are
more expressive than men.
(iii) Women are
also more accurate than men in
figuring out what others’ emotional state are based on nonverbal cues.
(b) As people age, these gender stereotypes seem to
exert less influence on their behaviors.
(i) Men tend to
become more emotionally expressive,
and women become more instrumental or task oriented.
(c) Context
(1) Online Communication
(a) The channel for a communication transaction
influences the communication.
(b) Because more and more of our communication time
is spent in electronic communication or computer-mediated
communication
(CMC), online emotional communication is a worthwhile subject of study.
(c) Emoticons are icons that can be typed on the
keyboard to express emotions.
(i) They are
used to compensate for the lack of
nonverbal cues in CMC.
(d) Emotional communication is obviously vital to
online interactions.
(e) Some research argues that when people become
experienced users of CMC, it is just as rich a communication
process as
any other, including face to face.
(f) CMC doesn’t inhibit emotional expression.
(g) In regards to sex differences, when people moved
from a same-sex newsgroup to a mixed-sex newsgroup, men
adopted the
female standard and began expressing more emotion as evidenced by a
greater use of emoticons.
C. Historical Period
(1) Stearns (1994) traced the changes in emotional
communication in the United States. He found that the Victorians
were much
more emotionally expressive than
U.S. citizens of the 1960s.
(a) The 1960s
North American favored “cool” over the
emotional excesses of the Victorians.
(b) Stearns
states that culture is governed by
feeling rules, which “are the recommended norms by which people are
supposed to
shape their emotional expressions and react to the
expressions of others” (1994, p. 2).
D. Others’ Feelings
(1) The influence of the feelings of those around us
is manifested in what has been called emotional contagion.
(2) Emotional contagion is the process of
transferring emotions from one person to another.
(3) Emotional contagion occurs when one person’s
feelings “infect” those around him or her.
XXVIII. The Dark Side of Emotional Communication: We
Always Hurt the Ones We Love
A. We are all familiar with
emotional that fall on
the dark side: embarrassment, guilt, hurt, jealousy, anger, depression,
and loneliness, just
to name a few.
B. Hurtful messages have received
recent attention
from researchers exploring how this type of emotional communication
operates in relationships.
1. Research found that if hurtful messages are
phrased humorously, they are often perceived as less intentionally
hurtful and thus caused fewer
wounded feelings.
C. Some dark side emotions are the
polar opposites of
bright side emotions.
D. Emotions are often experienced
in blends, and
bright and dark, love and hate, are entangled with one another.
E. Another emotional blend is
strategic embarrassment.
1. People often plan embarrassing situations for
others, and planning an embarrassing moment for someone else is often
socially acceptable.
F. Another way that negative
emotional communication
can have a bright side is that negative expressions of anger can be
functional in certain contexts.
G. The categorization of an
emotion or mode of
emotional communication as either dark or bright is problematic because
it all depends on whether the
context called
for the emotion, the
sender and the receiver expected the emotion, and the social goals of
the situation were accomplished through the
emotional
communication.
XXIX. The Bright Side of Emotional Communication:
Happy Talk
A. Communication that offers
comfort, social support,
warmth, affection, forgiveness, or desire falls on the positive end of
the emotional spectrum.
B. The bright side of emotional
communication does
not present a simplistic picture.
C. The mix of bright and dark show
a complex tapestry
of emotion.
1. Forgiveness, which is based in numerous religious
teachings, represents the bright side because it allows for peace and
reconciliation.
a) However,
even proponents of forgiveness
acknowledge how difficult it can be in practice.
2. Forgiveness requires participation from both sides.
a) People can
purge hatred from their hearts without
actually forgiving.
b) Thus,
forgiveness highlights the bright and dark
sides in tandem.
XXX. Choices for Developing Emotional Communication
Skills
A. Competence in expression emotion and in listening
and responding to the emotional communication of others is critical to
your success as an interpersonal communicator.
1. Some have
called this competence emotional
intelligence (Goleman, 1995).
B. Although emotional communication does require
intelligence, emotional intelligence might be more accurately labeled
emotional competence
(Planalp, 1999).
1. Intelligence
connotes a relatively unchanging
aptitude rather than a skill set that can be improved and developed.
2. The effort
or energy involved in maintaining
emotional competence is called emotion work.
C. Know Your Feelings
1. Competence
in emotional communication begins with
your ability to identify the emotion or mix of emotions you are
experiencing at a
particular time.
2. This skill
involves a person to do several things.
a) Recognizing Your Emotion
(1) The first step involves asking yourself what your
emotional state is at the present.
(a) Take a time
out from the ongoing process and take
your emotional temperature.
(b) This step
involves making a link between yourself
and outer reality.
(c) To name
your feelings signals how you perceive
them and alerts you to what your expectations are.
(d) This step
is difficult for several reasons.
(i) In the heat of an emotional
encounter, you may
not be prepared to stop and take a time out.
(ii) We are often so detached from
our feelings that
it is difficult to name them.
(iii) Some people are simply less
aware than others
of their emotional state.
b) Establishing That You Are
Stating an Emotion
(1) It isn’t enough to simply say “I feel”; you must
be sure that what follows really is an emotion.
c) Creating a Statement that
Identifies Why You Are
Feeling the Emotion
(1) This step involves thinking about the antecedent
conditions that are contextualizing your feelings.
(a) Ask
yourself, “Why do I feel this way?”
(b) Try to put
the reasons into words.
D. Analyze the Situation
1. Analyze the
situation by asking yourself these
questions:
a) Do you wish to share your
emotion with others?
(1) Some emotional experiences are not ready for
communication.
b) Is the time appropriate for
sharing?
(1) If you decide you want to communicate an emotion
to someone else, an analysis of the situation helps you decide if the
time is right.
c) How should
you approach the communication?
(1) Analyzing the situation helps you think about how
to share your emotion.
d) Is there
anything you can do to change the
situation if needed?
(1) Your analysis allows you to think about how and
whether to change the situation.
E. Own Your Feelings
1. Owning is
the skill of verbally taking
responsibility for your feelings.
2. Owning is
often accomplished by sending
I-messages, which show that speakers understand that their feelings
belong to them and
aren’t caused by someone else.
a) Using I messaged does not
guarantee that you will
get what you ask for.
F
Frame When Needed
1. Reframing refers
to the ability to change the
frame surrounding a situation to put it in a more productive light.
2. It is easier for
people to reframe their thinking
about something than it is to change the world.
a) After you discover what makes you mad, you can
reframe those irritants by changing the message you give yourself.
G. Empathize
1. Empathy is
the ability to put yourself in
another’s place so you are able to understand his or her point of view.
2. Empathy is
often accomplished through the skill of
active listening, which calls for you to suspend your own responses for
a while so you can
concentrate on the other person.
a) In active listening, you
usually allow the other
person a full hearing.
3. Often our
response to hearing someone’s emotional
outburst is to attempt to solve his or her problem, question the
person, tell a story about a
similar problem that you have had, or
evaluate the person’s problem.
4. Empathizing
is the best approach for early in the
talk because it keeps the focus on the person who is expressing the
emotion and allows
that person to set the pace and the content of the
conversation.
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