Chapter Six
Effective Listening
Chapter Outline
I. The Importance of Listening
A. Listening is
an ongoing interpersonal activity that requires lifelong training.
B. Listening is
essential to our relationships with others, especially in the workplace.
Employees rank listening as the most important skill on the job.
C. Listening
has been called a twenty-first century skill.
1. Years ago, we took the skill of
listening for granted, but today, we need to be aware that we will
encounter negative
consequences
if we don’t listen well.
2. Listening errors can influence
relational intimacy and worker productivity.
D. A
significant amount of corporate time is dedicated to training employees
in listening.
E. Good listening
skills are valuable in other types of interpersonal relationships as
well.
F. It is
important to note that not everyone has the physical ability to hear.
We are aware that many individuals
rely on another communication system to create and share symbols:
American Sign Language (ASL).
a) ASL is the
third most popular language in the United States after English and
Spanish.
b) ASL is seen
as a natural communication method for visual learners who aren’t
hearing-impaired, making it commonplace
in many
schools across the country.
II. Hear Today: The Hearing Process
A. Hearing
occurs when a sound wave hits an eardrum.
B. The result
vibrations or stimuli are sent to the brain.
C. Hearing is
defined as the physical process of letting in audible stimuli without
focusing on the stimuli.
III. Listen Up: The Listening Process
A. People often
take listening for granted as a communication skill in interpersonal
relationships.
B. Unlike
hearing, listening is a learned communication skill.
C. People often
have a difficult time describing what being an effective listener is,
but people seem to know when
another person is not listening.
D. Listening is
defined as the dynamic transactional process of receiving, recalling,
rating, and responding to stimuli
and/or messages from another.
E. Listening is
dynamic because it is an active and ongoing way of demonstrating that
you are involved in
an interpersonal encounter.
F. Listening is
transactional because both the sender and the receiver are active
agents in the process.
1. Listening is a two-way street.
2. We need to show that merely
showing hat we are listening, but we also need others to acknowledge in
some way that
they know we are listening.
G. There are
four remaining concepts associated with the definition of listening
provided.
1. Receiving
a) Receiving involves the verbal and nonverbal
acknowledgement of communication.
b) We are selective in our reception and screen those
messages that are least relevant to us.
c) When we are receiving, we are being mindful, which
means that we are paying close attention to the stimuli around us.
d) We can also become mindless, which means we aren’t
paying attention to the stimuli around us.
e) The following suggestions should improve your
ability to receive messages effectively.
(1) Eliminate unnecessary
noises and physical barriers to listening.
(2) Try not to
interrupt the reception of a message.
2. Recalling
a) Recalling involves understanding a message,
storing it for future encounters, and remembering it later.
b) When we do recall a conversation, we don’t recall
it word-for-word; rather, we remember a personal version (or essence)
of what occurred.
c) Recall is immediate, short-term, or long-term.
d) Using the following strategies while listening can
help improve your ability to later recall the message.
(1) Repeat
information.
(2) Use
mnemonic devices.
Mnemonic, or memory-aiding, devices include
abbreviations because abbreviations are easier to remember than longer
titles.
(3) Visualize
items as you listen to them.
(4) Chunk
information.
Chunking means placing pieces of information into
manageable and retrievable sets.
3. Rating
a) Rating means evaluating or assessing a message.
b) When we listen critically, we rate messages on two
levels:
(1) We decide
whether or not we agree with the message, and
(2) We often
place the message in context.
c) You don’t always agree with messages you receive
from others.
d) Rating a message from another’s field of
experiences allows us to distinguish among facts, inferences, and
opinions.
(1) Facts are
verifiable and can be made only after direct observation.
(2) Inferences
are a conversation’s “missing pieces” and require listeners to go
beyond what was observed.
(3) Opinions
can undergo changes over time and are based on a communicator’s beliefs
or values.
e) Here are two recommendations that will help you
improve your ability to rate messages.
(1) Detect
speaker bias, if possible.
(2) Listeners
should be prepared to change their position.
4. Responding
a) When individuals are responding, they provide
observable feedback to a speaker.
b) Responding, which lets a speaker know that the
message was received, happens during and after a conversation.
c) We provide both nonverbal and verbal feedback to
someone as he or she talks and, at times,
our feedback continues even
though the conversation has ended. Feedback can be nonverbal,
verbal, or both.
d) You can enhance the way you respond in several
ways.
(1) Adopting
the other’s point of view is important.
(2) Take
ownership of your words and ideas.
(3) Don’t
assume that your thoughts are universal; not everyone will agree with
your position on a topic.
IV. The Barriers: Why We Don’t Listen
A. Noise
1. Physical
distractions are environmental noises that prevent effective listening.
a) These distractions include the
semantic, psychological, or physiological noise we encounter that
prevents a
listener from
receiving the sender’s message.
2. Noise is
anything that interferes with the message.
3. Physical
distractions can take place anywhere.
B. Message
Overload
1. Senders
frequently receive more messages than they can process, which is called
message overload.
2.
Multitasking, or the simultaneous performance of two or more tasks, is
now commonplace both at work and home.
3. The average
worker handles about 200 messages in one day.
C. Message
Complexity
1. Messages we
receive that area filled with details, unfamiliar language, and
challenging arguments are often hard to understand.
2. Most people
who use technical jargon are less aware of the fact that their language
is cumbersome and unfamiliar to others.
a) Therefore, when these people
speak to us, they usually make us feel as though we’re walking through
a conversational maze.
D. Lack of
Training
1. Although listening is a learned
activity, only a few schools offer courses on the topic.
2. Similarly, on a few companies
offer training in listening.
E. Preoccupation
1. Even the most effective
listeners become preoccupied at times.
2. When we are preoccupied, we are
thinking about our own life experiences and everyday troubles.
3. When people engage in an
extreme amount of self-focusing to the exclusion of another person,
they are said
to be using
conversational narcissism.
a) Those who are narcissistic are caught up in their
own thoughts and are inclined to interrupt others.
F. Listening Gap
1. We generally think faster than
we speak.
a) We speak an average rate of 150-200 words per
minute, yet we can understand up to 800 words per minute.
2. The listening gap is the time
difference between your mental ability to interpret words and the speed
at which they arrive to your brain.
a) When we have a large listening gap we may
daydream, doodle on paper, or allow our minds to wander.
V. Poor Listening Habits
A. Selective
Listening
1. You are selective listening, or
spot listening, if you respond to some parts of a message and reject
others.
a) Typically, you selectively listen to those parts
of the message that interest you.
2. Attending to only those message
parts that interest you or tuning out because you believe that you know
the rest of a
message may
prompt others to question your listening skills.
B. Talkaholism
1. Some people become consumed
with their own communication.
2. Talkaholics are defined as
compulsive talkers who hog the conversational stage and monopolize
encounters.
a) When talkaholics take hold of a conversation, they
interrupt, directing the conversational flow.
C.
Pseudolistening
1. We are all pretty good at
faking attention.
2. Pseudolistening involves
pretending to listen by nodding our heads, by looking at the speaker,
by smiling at
the
appropriate times, or by practicing other kinds of attention feigning.
D. Gap Filling
1. Listeners who think that they
can correctly guess the rest of the story a speaker is telling and
don’t need the
speaker to
continue are called gap fillers.
2. Gap fillers often interrupt;
when this happens, the listener alters the message, and its meaning may
be lost.
E. Defensive
Listening
1. Defensive listening occurs when
people view innocent comments as personal attacks or hostile criticisms.
2. Those who are defensive
listeners often perceive threats in messages and may be defensive
because of personal issues.
F. Ambushing
1. People who listen carefully to
a message and then use the information later to attack the individual
are ambushing.
2. Ambushers want to retrieve
information to discredit or manipulate another person.
VI. Styles of Listening
A. A
listening style is a predominant and preferred approach to the messages
we hear.
B. We
adopt a listening style to understand the sender’s message.
C. There
are four listening styles.
1. People-Centered Listening Style
a) The style associated with being concerned with
other people’s feelings or emotions is called the
people-centered listening style.
b) People-oriented listeners try to compromise and
find common areas of interest.
c) People-centered listeners quickly notice others’
moods and provide clear verbal and nonverbal feedback.
2. Action-Centered Listening Style
a) The action-centered listening style pertains to
listeners who want messages to be highly organized, concise, and
error-free.
b) These people help speakers focus on what is
important in the message.
c) They also second-guess speakers – that is, they
question the assumptions underlying a message.
d) Action-centered listeners also clearly tell others
that they want unambiguous feedback.
3. Content-Centered Listening Style
a) Individuals who engage in the content-centered
listening style focus on the facts and details of a message.
b) Content-centered listeners consider all sides of
an issue and welcome complex and challenging information from a sender.
(1) However,
they may intimidate others by asking pointed questions or by
discounting information
from those the listener deems to be nonexperts.
c) Content-centered listeners are likely to play
devil’s advocate in conversations.
4. Time-Centered Listening Style
a)
When listeners adopt a time-centered listening style, they let others
know that messages should be presented succinctly.
b)
Time-oriented listeners discourage wordy explanations from speakers and
set time guidelines for conversations.
(1) Some
time-centered listeners constantly check their watches or abruptly end
encounters with others.
Culture and the Listening Process
5. Listening variations across
cultures affect the ability to be an effective salesperson.
6. Cultures vary in their value
systems and patterns of communication. Staying culturally aware
of these
variations as
you consider the message of another person is important.
7. There are strategies you can
use to better communicate with individuals from different cultures.
a) Don’t expect everyone else to adapt to your way of
communicating.
b) Accept new ways of receiving messages.
c) Wait as long as possible before merging another’s
words into your words – don’t define the world on your terms.
d) Seek clarification when possible.
VII. Choices for Effective Listening
A. Evaluate Your Current Skills
1. Assess and
understand your personal listening strengths and weaknesses.
2. We have
stresses and personal problems that may affect our listening skills.
B. Prepare to Listen
1. Preparation
requires both physical and mental activities.
a) You may have to locate yourself
closer to the source of the message.
2. Try to
reduce or remove as many distractions as possible.
3. To prepare
yourself mentally, do your homework beforehand if you are going to need
information to listen effectively.
C. Provide Empathic Responses
1. When we use
empathy, we are telling other people that we value their thoughts.
2. Empathy is
the process of identifying with or attempting to experience the
thoughts, beliefs, and actions of another.
3. Empathy
tells people that although we can’t feel their exact feelings or
precisely identify with a current situation,
we are trying to co-create experiences with them.
4. We show
we’re responsive and empathic by giving well-timed verbal feedback
throughout a conversation, not simply
when it is our turn to speak.
5. We must also
demonstrate that we’re engaged nonverbally in the message.
6. Learning to
listen with empathy is sometimes difficult.
a) We have to show support of
another while making sure that we are not causing unnecessary negative
feelings.
D. Use Nonjudgmental Feedback
1. When we give
nonjudgmental feedback, we describe another’s behavior and then explain
how that behavior made us feel.
2. Owning your
feelings rather than blaming others for your feelings results in more
effective interpersonal communication.
E. Practice Active Listening
1. Active
listening is the transactional process in which a listener communicates
reinforcing messages to a speaker.
2. Active
listeners want to listen rather than feel obligated to listen.
3.
Demonstrating that you are actively involved in the conversation will
help both your credibility as a communicator
and your relationship standing with others.
4. There are
additional elements to active listening.
a) Paraphrasing
(1) Active listening requires paraphrasing, or
restating the essence of another’s message in our own words.
(2) Paraphrasing is a perception check in an
interpersonal encounter; it allows us to clarify our interpretation of
a message.
(3) When paraphrasing, try to be concise and simple
in your response.
b) Dialogue Enhancers
(1) Dialogue enhancers take the form of supporting
expressions such as “I’m listening” or “I see.”
(2) Dialogue enhancers should not interrupt a message.
(3) Dialogue enhancers should be used as indications
that you are involved in the message.
(a) They
enhance the discussion taking place.
c) Silence
(1) We should honor silence when another person is
struggling with what to say.
(2) We need to allow the entire message to be
revealed before jumping in.
(3) We also need to be silent because, at times,
words are not needed.
(4) Silence can also be used to manipulate or coerce
another person in an interpersonal exchange.
(a) Refusing to
talk to someone may provoke unnecessary tension.
(b) Imposing
your own code of silence in an encounter may also damage a relationship.
Chapter Four
Communicating Verbally
Chapter Outline
VIII. Introduction
A. When we interact with others, we use verbal and
nonverbal symbols, which are often imprecise.
B. Verbal messages can have dramatic effects.
C. Certainly, verbal symbols are important to social
life.
1. Estimates
are that approximately 63 percent of human interaction centers on
sociality.
IX. Understanding Verbal Symbols
A. Language is the ability to transmit thoughts from
the mind of one individual to another through the process of encoding.
B. Encoding refers to the process of putting thoughts
and feelings into verbal symbols (words) and/or nonverbal messages.
C. The language system works by using words and
grammar, or the rules that dictate the structure of language, to
encode our thoughts and emotions
into verbal messages others can understand.
D. Verbal symbols are important to the language
system, but they must be accompanied by grammatical rules instructing
us on their arrangement.
X. Attributes of Verbal Symbols
A. Words are Symbolic
1. Symbols are
arbitrary, mutually agreed upon labels or representations for feelings,
concepts, objects, or events.
2. Because
words are arbitrary symbols, there is not necessarily a relationship
between the word and the thing.
3. The word is
not the thing but merely a symbol we have agreed to use to stand for
it.
a) By agreeing on symbols, we can
engage in communication with one another about things.
4. Usually, a
group of speakers (or a culture) records an agreement about verbal
symbols in a dictionary that
catalogs the meanings attached to verbal symbols.
B. Language Evolves
1. As time
passes, some words fall out of favor and cease to be used, the meaning
of some words changes, and
new words are added to the lexicon.
2. Some
expressions that were popular in earlier times have simply ceased to be
spoken, illustrating that language is
susceptible to fads and fashion.
3. Sometimes
words that were popular during an earlier era experience a revival.
4. Social
changes prompt changes in the lexicon, a process some people disparage
with the label political correctness.
a) Confusing political correctness
with important language reform is a mistake.
b) Renovating the language
to give people respect and enable accurate speech is a worthy goal that
should not be trivialized.
c) Because verbal symbols are so
powerful, they can symbolize prejudicial attitudes that we should
eliminate.
5. Verbal
symbols continue to evolve.
6. Other verbal
symbols are still in use, but their meanings have changed.
7. People have
coined words to give labels to recent innovations.
8. New words
reveal a great deal about our society.
9. Lexical gaps
refer to experiences that are not named.
a) These gaps indicate that
language does not always serve its users well.
10. Cheris
Kramarae (1981) calls people whose experiences are not well represented
in verbal symbols muted groups, meaning that
they have trouble articulating their thoughts
and feelings verbally because their language doesn’t give them an
adequate vocabulary.
11. In the
English language, people invent words all the time. However,
acceptance of new words isn’t always an easy process.
C. Words Are Powerful
1. When we use
words to label something we’ve experienced, we make the experience
important by talking about it.
2. When we
can’t find a word to name our experience, it may make the experience
seem unimportant or trivial.
3. Certain
words have the power to affect people dramatically because people have
agreed to give certain words power.
4. After a word
becomes taboo, it often becomes more powerful because it is forbidden.
D. Meanings for Verbal Symbols May Be Denotative or
Connotative
1. Denotative
meaning refers to the literal, conventional meaning that most people in
a culture have agreed is the meaning of a symbol.
2. Denotation
is the type of meaning found in a dictionary definition.
3. Denotative
meanings can be confusing; because the dictionary provides more than
one meaning for gun, your listener must
decide if you are using definition 1a, 1b, 1c, 2a,
or 2b.
4. Connotative
meanings vary from person to person.
5. Connotative
meanings derive from people’s personal and subjective experience with a
verbal symbol.
E. Words Vary in Level of Abstraction
1. You can
place a word on a continuum from concrete to abstract.
2. If a word is
concrete, you are able to detect its referent (the thing the word
represents) with one of your senses.
a) Concrete words are those that
you can see, smell, taste, touch, or hear.
b) The more a word restricts the
number of possible referents, the more concrete the word is.
3. Terms with
the fewest restrictions are the most abstract.
4. Some
referents are, but their nature, somewhat abstract.
5. Language
skills allow humans to talk about the concepts involved in abstract
terms.
6. To make our
ideas more concrete so others can better understand our meaning, we use
figures of speech such as
metaphors and similes.
a) Metaphors equate two terms.
b) Similes make comparisons using
the word like or as.
7. When
referents are not right in front of us, we can visualize them through
the process of abstraction.
XI. Factors Affecting Verbal Symbols
A. Culture and Ethnicity
1. On the most
basic level, culture affects language (and vice versa) because most
cultures develop their own language.
2. An idiom is
a word or a phrase that has an understood meaning within a culture, but
that meaning is not derived by
exact translation.
3. People who
are learning a language have to learn the meaning of each idiom as a
complete unit; they cannot translate
each of the words and put their meanings together.
4. Phatic
communication consists of words and phrases that are used for
interpersonal contact only and are not meant
to be translated.
a) This type of communication can
be thought of as content-free because listeners are not supposed to
think about
the meaning of
the statement; rather, they are expected to respond to the polite
contact the speaker is making.
5. There are
some verbal behaviors that are thought to characterize specific groups.
a) African Americans and Mexican
Americans are often considered distinct language groups.
b) Fern Johnson (2000) notes that
African Americans spend a great deal of time with one another in social
and
neighborhood
settings, and that most African Americans identify with race as a way
of establishing identity.
(1) Her statements can be generalized to Mexican
Americans as well.
6. Some
research suggests that African American speech is more assertive than
European American speech.
a) African Americans and European
Americans may truly differ in how assertive their speck is, or this
finding
may be
complicated by perceptions.
(1) African American women think European American
women are highly conflict avoidant.
(2) European American women think that African
American women are assertive and confrontational.
(3) Women in both groups did not characterize
themselves as highly avoidant or confrontational.
b) Geneva
Smitherman (2000) argues that in addition to being rooted in tradition,
black speech is humorous,
witty, and wise.
7. Chicano
English, spoken by Mexican Americans, is perhaps less commonly known
but is also studied by researchers.
8. Mexican
Americans form only a part of the Latino/Latina culture, sometimes
known as Hispanic culture.
a) This culture includes Cubans,
Puerto Ricans, Chileans, Peruvians, Columbians, and many more.
9.
Code-switching refers to shifting back and forth between languages in
the same conversation.
10. Symbolic
interactionism says that cultures are held together by their common use
of symbols and that things do not
exist in an objective form; they
exist based on cultural agreement about them.
11. Symbolic
interactionism, then, points us to an understanding of how culture or
society is tied to words.
12. Another
approach that links culture and verbal symbols is linguistic
determinism.
13. Linguistic
determinism argues that words determine our ability to perceive and
think.
a) Both Sapir and Whorf believed
that culture affects our thinking.
b) Researchers have suggested that
without a word for something in the environment, a person has
difficulty
perceiving
that thing or thinking that it is important.
14. Research
believes that language determines how we think and that speakers of
different languages perceive the
world in different ways.
15. Linguistic
relativity states that language influences our thinking but doesn’t
determine it. Both linguistic determinism
and linguistic relativity point to the connections
among culture, language, and thought, and they are sometimes
referred to together as the strong and weak forms of
the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis.
16. Codability
refers to the ease with which a language can express a thought.
a) When a language has a
convenient word for a concept, that concept is said to have high
codability.
b) When a concept requires more
than a single word for its expression, it possesses lower codability.
17. Having a
phrase rather than a single word to express an idea does not mean that
the idea is nonexistent in a
given culture, only that it is less easily put into
the language code.
B. Gender
1. Gender,
especially with regard to language and verbal symbols, has been studied
extensively. However, we still
don’t have definitive information because the
research has been contradictory.
2. Daniel Maltz
and Ruth Borker’s (1982) belief that gender operated in the same way as
culture in establishing different
rules, norms, and language patterns for men and
women came to be known as the two culture theory.
a) Much of Deborah Tannen’s (1995)
research comparing women and men’s language use stems from the two
culture theory.
3. Although
some research in the last two decades has supported the idea that men
and women speak differently
other researchers found that the differences in
communication behavior attributable to gender totaled only around
one percent (Canary & Hause, 1993).
4. In any case,
keep in mind that gender makes a big difference in U.S. society.
a) People in the United States
consistently remark on gender even when gender distinctions aren’t
important to the situation.
b) Perhaps more telling, men and
women’s language use is perceived differently even when it’s
essentially the same.
c) Gender continues to be a factor
that affects language as it’s spoken, heard, or both.
C. Generation
1. One of the
functions of language is differentiating in-group members from those on
the outside.
2. One of the
tasks of each generation is to distinguish itself from the generation
that came before it.
3. Generational
differences form age cohorts that, to some extent, share experiences
and beliefs.
a) The members of any age cohort
share a popular culture, wihc leads to a common language.
4.
Technological changes may affect language across generations as well.
5. E-mail
addresses may also indicate age differences.
D. Context
1. Contextual
cues subsume all the other elements we have discussed because the
culture, gender, ethnicity, and
generation of the people who are interacting factor
into the context.
2. The context
involves the setting or situation in which the encounter takes place.
3. Context
means the people, location, proximity, communication behavior, roles,
and goals of the interactants.
4. Four
contextual cues are highlighted.
a) The first contextual cue is
situation.
(1) You can understand the impact of situation if you
think of the same statement being said in a variety of situations.
(2) Although the words remain the same, each
situation would create a different sense of the meaning of the
statement.
b) The second contextual cue is
time.
(1) The meanings of words can change over time.
c) The third contextual cue is
relationship.
(1) Relationships between speakers also contribute to
the contextual cues that affect meaning.
(2) People who are close to you can say things that
would be considered impolite if said by mere acquaintances.
(a) If the
relationship isn’t positive, these types of interactions would probably
be judged as insulting rather than friendly.
(3) Rhunette Diggs and Kathleen Clark (2002) found
that a comment meant to be a joke between friends
can be
complicated by racial considerations.
d) The fourth contextual cue is
nonverbal cues.
(1) People depend on nonverbal cues to interpret
verbal codes.
(2) The nonverbal part of the context is powerful and
persuasive in helping people make sense of verbal codes.
(3) We can cautiously speculate that gestures
preceded vocalizations.
XII. The Dark Side of Verbal Symbols
A. Verbal symbols are not inherently positive or
negative. Rather, the value of verbal symbols is determined by
how people use them.
B. Verbal symbols in the English language may be
easily used for negative ends; they may be exclusionary and derisive
and they can promote stereotypes.
C. Sexist Language
1. Sexist
language refers to language that is demeaning to one sex.
a) Most of the research has
examined how language can be detrimental to women.
2. The generic
he refers to the rule in English grammar, dating from 1553, that
requires the masculine pronoun he to
function generically when the subject of the
sentence is of unknown gender.
3. Another
example of language that some people think is sexist is man-linked
words.
a) These words include man but are
supposed to operate generically to include women as well.
b) In addition, the practice of
referring to a group of people as guys reinforces sexism in language.
c) Relatively easy alternatives to
these exclusionary verbal symbols are becoming more commonplace.
4. Another
example of sexism in language is the practice of renaming a woman after
marriage.
a) The courtesy title Mrs. has no
male counterpart; men remain Mr. regardless of marital status.
b) Referring to a married woman by
her formal married name obscures her identity under her husband’s.
5. Some
research has found that there are more derogatory terms for women than
there are for men and that
parallel terms for men and women are not, in
actuality, parallel.
D. Racist Language
1. The feminist
movement has sensitized us to sexism in language, but we have to remain
alert to language that
systematically offends one group, including racist
language (language that demeans those of a particular ethnicity).
2. In the
twenty-first century, most people avoid overt racial slurs, but
language can be racist in other, more subtle ways.
a) The practice of associating
negativity with black perpetuates racial stereotypes on a subtle level.
3. Some
researchers argue that racism comes from being taught language that
reflects a thought system that values one race over another.
E. Static Evaluation
1. Language
reflects static evaluation when it obscures change.
2. When we
speak and respond to people today the same way we did ten years ago, we
engage in static evaluation.
3. If we ignore
change, we cause problems, too. Language contributes to these
problems because labels don’t
usually get updated to indicate the changes that
take place over time.
F. Polarization
1. Polarization
occurs when people utilize the either-or aspect of language and speak
of the world in extremes (e.g., good or bad).
2. Polarization
is troubling because most people, things, and events fall somewhere
between the extremes named by polar opposites.
3. Labeling
them as one or the other fails to recognize their totality.
4. Polarization
is also problematic because of static evaluation.
a) If we settle on an extreme
label for someone at one time and then encounter the same person later,
we will probably
not take into
account the possibility that the person may have changed over time.
G. Reification
1. Reification
is the tendency to respond to words, or labels for things, rather than
the things themselves.
2. If we call
someone by an extreme label, reification suggests that is how we will
respond to them, often regardless of what they might do.
3. Reification
is often referred to as confusion between the symbol and the thing.
a) Although symbols are potent,
they are not the same as the things they represent.
XIII. The Bright Side of Verbal Codes
A. Although language can cause the problems we just
discussed, it is our only means to connect with others.
B. Through language, we can express confirmation, or
the acknowledgement and support of another.
1. Confirming
messages help another person understand that you are paying attention
to him or her and that you recognize
that person as an equal.
C. Disconfirmation occurs when someone feels ignored
and disregarded.
1.
Disconfirmation makes people feel that you don’t see them – that they
are unimportant.
D. We can also use language to develop inclusion
rather than exclusion.
1. Using the
language of inclusion means that you are thoughtful and attentive to
when others seem to be offended and that
you ask what in your language might have given
offense.
E. Verbal codes help us solve problems.
1. When we use
open-ended questions we can work toward problem solving in our
interpersonal relationships.
2. Language
helps us explain our position while conveying that we’re also
interested in the other person’s position.
XIV. Ambiguity in Verbal Codes
A. Sometimes language is indirect or ambiguous, not
directly positive or negative.
B. This ambiguity may be unintentional or strategic.
C. Sometimes it may serve a purpose to be ambiguous.
D. Strategic ambiguity occurs when people in
organizations do not always want others to completely understand their
intentions.
1. Sometimes
they leave out cues on purpose to encourage multiple interpretations by
others.
2. This may be
done to allow for many interpretations while simultaneously encouraging
agreement.
a) Several interpretations may
achieve the end of the argument.
E. Equivocation is a type of ambiguity that involves
choosing your words carefully to give a listener a false impression
without actually lying.
1. Equivocation
also allows the equivocator “deniability” after the fact.
2. Keep in mind
that such a tactic could have long-term consequences.
3. Equivocating
involves saying things that are true but misleading.
XV. Choices for Improving Verbal Communication
A. To improve your verbal communication skills, we
suggest cultivating an attitude of respect for others.
B. You need to engage in perspective-taking, which
means acknowledging the viewpoints of those with whom you interact.
1. Listening to
others before assuming that you already know exactly what their
experience is will help you in perspective-taking.
C. There are four skills to help you be more
effective in using verbal symbols.
1. Owning and
Using I-Messages
a) Each of us must take
responsibility for our own behaviors and feelings in communication with
others.
b) Owning refers to our ability to
take responsibility for our own thoughts and feelings, and is often
accomplished through I-messages.
c) I-messages acknowledge our own
positions, whereas you-messages direct responsibility onto others,
often in a blaming fashion.
2.
Understanding the Ladder of Abstraction
a) The more abstract you are, the
more you allow a listener to interpret what you mean.
b) The more concrete you are, the
more you direct the listener to your precise meaning.
c) In order to do this, you need
to diagnose when a situation needs specificity and when general
information might suffice.
d) The better you know someone,
the less concrete you have to be.
3. Indexing
a) A way to avoid static
evaluation involves dating your statements to indicate you are aware
something may have changed.
b) Indexing requires that you
acknowledge the time frame of your judgments of others and yourself.
c) Indexing reminds us that the
way people act at one given time may not be the way they are for all
time.
4. Probing the
Middle Ground
a) Probing the middle ground is a
skill that helps you avoid polarization in your verbal communication.
b) When you are tempted to label
something with an extreme judgment, try to explore the shades of gray
that
might be more
descriptive of the behavior.
c) Thinking about the middle
ground will help restrain you from polarizing or using extreme labels
that can easily become inflammatory.
d) Probing the middle ground might
involve more than simply one middle choice.
Chapter Five
Communicating Nonverbally
Chapter Outline
XVI. Introduction
A. We all communicate without saying a word.
B. Some researchers report that around 65 percent of
overall message meaning is conveyed nonverbally.
C. Other researchers assert that nearly 93 percent of
emotional meaning is conveyed nonverbally.
D. When we attend to nonverbal behaviors, we draw
conclusions about others, and others simultaneously draw conclusions
about us.
E. The influence of nonverbal behavior on our
perceptions, conversations, and relationships cannot be understated.
F. Nonverbal communication is defined as all
behaviors – other than spoken words – that communicate messages and
have
shared meaning between people.
1. This
definition has three associated parameters.
a) Electronic communication is not
included in this definition.
b) When it is noted that there is
“shared meaning,” this is saying that a national culture agrees on how
to construe a behavior.
c) Verbal and nonverbal
communication usually work together to create meaning.
G. Nonverbal communication competence requires us to
be able to encode and decode nonverbal messages.
H. We must be able to detect the meaning of another’s
message through nonverbal communication as well as use this form
of communication to get across
our own message.
I. Interaction adaptation theory suggests that
individuals simultaneously adapt their communication behavior to the
communication behavior of others.
1. The better
we are able to adapt, the better we are able to understand the meaning
of a message.
XVII. Principles of Nonverbal Communication
A. Nonverbal Communication is Often Ambiguous
1. Nonverbal
messages often mean different things to different people, which can
lead to misunderstandings.
2. Compared to
verbal messages, nonverbal messages are usually more ambiguous.
3. A major
reason that this ambiguity exists is that many factors influence the
meaning of nonverbal behaviors,
including our shared fields of experience, current
surroundings, culture, and so forth.
B. Nonverbal Communication Regulates Conversation
1. People use
nonverbal communication to manage the ebb and flow of conversations.
2. Nonverbal
regulators allow speakers to enter, exit, or maintain the conversation.
3. Who talks
when and to whom, referred to as turn-taking, is based primarily on
nonverbal communication.
4. We are often
unconscious of our nonverbal cues.
C. Nonverbal Communication is More Believable than
Verbal Communication
1. People
believe nonverbal messages over verbal messages.
2. Someone’s
nonverbal behavior can influence a conversational partner more than
what is said.
D. Nonverbal Communication May Conflict with Verbal
Communication
1. Although
nonverbal and verbal communication frequently operate interdependently,
sometimes our nonverbal
messages are not congruent with our verbal
messages. We term this incompatibility a mixed message.
2. When
confronted with a mixed message, people have to choose whether to
believe the nonverbal or the verbal behaviors.
a) Because children are generally
not sophisticated enough to understand the many meanings that accompany
nonverbal
communication, they rely on the words of a message more than the
nonverbal behaviors.
b) Adults who encounter mixed
messages pay the most attention to nonverbal messages and neglect much
of what is being said.
XVIII. Nonverbal Communication Codes
A. Visual-Auditory Codes
1.
Visual-auditory codes include categories of nonverbal communication
that you can see and hear.
2. There are
four categories that will be covered.
a) Kinesics (Body Movement)
(1) Body communication is also called kinesics.
This is the study of body motion and how people use them to
communication.
(2) The primary components of kinesics are gestures
and body posture/orientation.
(3) There are several different gesture types:
(a) Delivery
gestures signal shared understanding between communicators.
(b) Citing
gestures acknowledge another’s feedback.
(c) Seeking
gestures request agreement or clarification from the speaker.
(d) Turn
gestures indicate that another person can speak or are used to request
the conversation floor.
(4) Our body posture and orientation reveal important
information.
(a) Posture is generally a result
of how tense or relaxed we are.
(5) Body orientation is the extent to which we turn
our legs, shoulders, and head toward (or away) from a communicator.
Physical Appearance
(6) Physical appearance encompasses all of the
physical characteristics of an individual, including body size, skin
color, hair
color and style, facial hair, and facial features.
(7) Physical appearance influences interpersonal
communication in several ways.
(a) One’s skin
color has affected the communication process.
(b) Body size
can influence our interpersonal relationships.
(8) Body artifacts also have the potential to
communicate. Clothing can convey social status or group
identification.
(a) Other
bodily artifacts or adornments are also communicative.
(9) Physical appearance also includes the
attractiveness of the interpersonal communicators.
(10) Each culture has its own ideal of physical
beauty, its own interpretation of what is attractive.
(11) Generally speaking, people seek out others who
are similar to themselves in attractiveness, just as they seek
out others who
are similar to themselves in other characteristics.
(12) Physically attractive people are often judged to
be more intelligent and friendly than those not viewed as attractive.
(a) However, perceptions of physical attractiveness
can vary in the business setting, as well as for males and females.
b) Facial Communication
(1) More than any other part of the body, the face
gives others some insight into how someone is feeling.
(2) Our facial expressions cover the gamut of
emotional meaning.
(3) We often have difficulty shielding authentic
feelings from others because we usually don’t have much control over
our facial communication.
(4) The part of the face with the most potential for
communication is the eye.
(a) Eye contact is a complex part of human behavior.
(b) A single eye movement communicates at multiple
levels.
(c) Our eyes also facilitate our interactions
(d) We also make judgments about others imply by
looking at their eyes.
(e) Although our conclusions may be erroneous, most
people rely on eye contact in their conversations.
(5) Smiling is one of the most recognizable nonverbal
behaviors worldwide.
(a) Although in some contexts a smile can have a
negative effect, it usually has a positive effect on an encounter.
(b) Smiling at others encourages then to assist in
tasks.
(c) Smiling at another nearly always results in a
more pleasant encounter.
(d) However, smiling at ill-conceived times may
prompt others to react unfavorably.
c) Paralanguage (Voice)
(1) Paralanguage or vocalics is the study of a
person’s voice.
(2) Paralanguage refers not to what a person is
saying, but how a person is saying it.
(3) Paralanguage covers a vast array of nonverbal
behaviors such as pitch, rate, volume, inflection, tempo,
and pronunciation, which we call
vocal qualities.
(4) Vocal segregates (“ums” and “ers” in
conversations) and the use of silence are also vocal qualities.
(5) Paralanguage also encompasses such
nonverbal behaviors as crying, laughing, groaning, muttering,
whispering,
and whining’
we call these vocal characteristics.
(6) Paralinguistic behaviors give us our uniqueness
as communicators; help us differentiate among people, and influence
people’s perceptions of us and
our perceptions of them.
(7) Our vocal qualities include the rate
(speed/pace), volume (loudness/softness/dynamacism), inflection (vocal
emphasis),
pitch
(highness/lowness)
intensity
(volume), tempo (rhythm), and pronunciation associated with voices.
(8) The “uhs,” “ers,” and “ums” in our conversations
may seem unimportant and may be viewed as “white noise,”
but these
vocal segregates compose an increasingly researched area of vocal
qualities because they can predict
whether or not
a conversation will continue and the fluency of that conversation.
(a) When vocal segregates are used excessively,
people view them as bad habits that can jeopardize credibility.
(9) Silence is included in the discussion of vocal
qualities of paralanguage because a person’s use of his or her voice
includes the decision whether or
not to use it.
(a) We should all exercise our right to remain silent.
(b) Yet at time, honoring silence may be the most
powerful way to communication to another person.
(c) Silence indicates that we need some time for
reflection.
(d) Silence is also part of the dark side of
communication between people.
(i) Silence can
serve as an interpersonal weapon.
(ii) Silence
can also be a frustrating nonverbal behavior to respond to.
(iii) Using
silence to hurt or undermine another person is commonplace.
(iv)
Understanding when silence is effective and when it sabotages the
interpersonal communication process takes
time and experience
(10) Vocal characteristics such as laughing, moaning,
or whining also communicate a great deal about how to interpret
verbal
messages.
B. Contact Codes.
1. Touch
(Haptics)
a) Touch communication, or
haptics, is the most primitive form of human communication.
b) Touch has lasting value.
c) Touch behavior is the ultimate
in privileged access to people.
d) When you touch another person,
you have decided – whether intentionally or unintentionally –
to invade
another’s personal space.
e) When forced into circumstances
where everyone is close, we normally offer an apology or an excuse
if we
accidentally touch someone.
f) Touch behavior is an ambiguous
form of communication because touching has various meanings depending
on the context.
g) Touching another person takes
different forms and signals multiple messages.
h) There are several functions of
touch.
(1) Touch is used for positive affect, which includes
support, appreciation, inclusion, and affection.
(2) Touch has a playful function; it serves to
lighten an interaction.
(3) Touch is used to control or to direct behavior in
an encounter.
(4) Ritualistic touch refers to the touches we use on
an everyday basis.
(5) The task function pertains to touch that serves a
professional or function purpose.
(6) A hybrid touch is a touch that greets a person
and simultaneously demonstrates affection of that person.
(7) Touch that is accidental is done without apparent
intent.
2. Space
a) Proxemics, the study of space, is historically
related to how people use, manipulate, and identify their space.
b) Personal space is the distance we put between
others and ourselves.
(1) We carry
informal personal space from one encounter to another; think of this
personal space as a
sort of invisible bubble that encircles us wherever
we go.
(2) Our
personal space provides some insight into ourselves and how we feel
about other people.
c) Sometimes decisions about spatial communication
are made for us.
d) Guidelines or rules exist in many companies that
dictate where and when you can stand with others.
Edward T. Hall
(1959) developed categories of personal space.
(1) Intimate
distance covers the distance that extends from you to around 18 inches.
(a) This is normally reserved for
those people with whom you are close.
(b) If you let someone be a part
of your intimate distance zone, you are implying that this person is
meaningful to you.
(c) Zero personal space (in other words, touch)
suggests a very close relationship with someone because you are
willing to give someone part of
your private space.
(2) Personal
distance, ranging from eighteen inches to four feet, is the space most
people use during conversations.
(a) This distance allows you to feel some protection
from others who might wish to touch you.
(b) It allows those at the closest
range to pick up your physical nuances.
(c) When we communicate with those at the far range,
this is referred to as at “arm’s length” but any signs of nonverbal
closeness are
erased.
(3) Social distance, which
is four to twelve feet, is the spatial zone usually reserved for
professional or formal interpersonal encounters.
(a) Whereas in the intimate and
personal spatial zones we can use a lower vocal volume, social distance
typically
requires increased volume.
(4) At the
public distance, communication occurs at a distance of twelve or more
feet.
(a) This
spatial zone allows listeners to scan the entire person while he or she
is speaking.
e) Whereas personal space is that invisible bubble we
carry from one interaction to another, territoriality is our sense of
ownership of space that remains
fixed.
(1) Humans mark
their territories in various ways, usually with items or objects that
are called territorial markers.